morning thoughts

the wheels are rolling...
the night still reigns upon the earth, i can still see the stars in the dark sky...i look around and ask myself what am i doing in this world...what am i needed for...tears start falling from my eyes as my mind hurts...am i of any use here?...
and the wheels keep rolling...
nobody in the street, just me in a rolling car, on the highway, in a wide plain...i would turn on the radio, but i fear the sounds would tear me apart...so i don't...i just look ahead of me, thinking about the things that, all together, form my life...and the wheels keep rolling...i need to talk to someone...but since there is nobody around, i start praying..."Our Father, who art in heaven hallowed be Thy Name..."...yes, Father, to You i turn now...in this moment...to Your Name and to Your Holy Being...please, make me understand myself..."Thy kingdom come..."...maybe if it did, i wouldn't see all that suffering around...maybe the ways in Your kingdom are easier, though unknown to us...maybe there are no ways at all..."Thy will be done, on earth as it is in heaven..."...Your will, Father...of which we have no true knowledge at all...of which we can only assume what it is..."Give us this day our daily bread..."...we always know how to ask...we never know how to thank...this phrase shoud be turned into "we thank You today for our daily bread"...or something like that..."And forgive us our trespasses, as we forgive those who trespass against us..."...no, Lord, actually we don't know how to forgive...we only know how to accuse...i have done things in my life so far that i am not proud of...we all have done those...but we should remember that when we point at each other for what we call "wrong deeds"..."And lead us not into temptation..."...but life is the greatest temptation of all...we are already here...and in our greed, we always want more...and more...and more..."but deliver us from evil..."...please, Lord, help me overcome the evil inside myself...for i fear no other evil as Your hand is upon myself...all i want is a way to let the love inside me show its face...show me that way...or send me an angel to show me..."for Thine is the kingdom, and the power, and the glory, for ever and ever. Amen."
and the wheels keep rolling...
the prayer helped me a little...i feel somehow better...a shy ray of sun is trying to go through the clouds at the horizon...a new day is here...i look at the sun rising through the tears in my eyes...and i remember my friends...i remember those who love me...
the wheels keep rolling...
and i am alive again...